Acid Heroes

August 24, 2010


Filed under: Backwords from Ace,Random Archives — Ace Backwords @ 11:30 pm
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My new book should be out in several weeks. “CARTOONIST BABYLON: The Shocking Tales of America’s Most Sexually Depraved Cartoonists (plus a couple of French guys).”

Shocking beyond words. I could barely stand to write it. I had to take several showers afterwards. Cartoonists out of control! Running wild! On the streets! In the bedrooms. At the drawing boards!

Consider the strange case of Bob Kane, the creator of Batman. Kane was fond of having sex while wearing a cape and cowl. And he was fond of making love — or making “Bat-whoopie” as he called it — in dark, cave-like environments. And only on full moons. And he had a peculiar fetish involving green underwear and bare legs. FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover compiled a massive file regarding Bob Kane’s whereabouts. But the material was never released to the public because it was classified as “Top Secret” and “Confidential” by Commissioner Gordon of Gotham City. Strange, no?

And then there was Charles “Sparky” Schulz, creator of the aptly-named “Peanuts” comic strip. He was insatiable. He used and discarded women like most men discard kleenex. And he wasn’t satisfied with a woman until he had them screaming “GOOD GRIEF!”

And then there’s the well-known tale of Jim Davis, the creator of “Garfield,” and his passionate and torrid affair with rock star Madonna. After having seduced half of the NBA’s largest superstars, what was left for Madonna in her insatiable quest for sexual kicks except to seduce a naive and innocent cartoonist? Jim Davis was no match for Madonna’s feminine wiles and he quickly succumbed to her charms. What followed was a whirlwind romance full of passion, intercourse, and rubber balls strapped in Jim Davis’s mouth. Davis and his “Garfield” comicstrip were never the same post-Madonna. The innocence was lost. And the lasagna jokes would never quite ring true ever again.

And then there was Al Capp, the creator of “Li’l Abner.” According to comics industry insiders (and they should know!) Capp had a strong sexual attraction towards people with amputated limbs. Years later it was revealed that Capp had been the one writing all those anonymous letters-to-the-editor to PENTHOUSE magazine extolling the virtues of that fetish.

Oddly, in my extensive research, the only cartoonist I couldn’t dig up any weird sexual secrets about was cartoonist R. Crumb.

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  1. There ya go agin. bashin’ me in the pubic eye. Let me tell ya Snoopy had a cold nose that did the trick for many a poor boy. Why I outta….

    Comment by Charles Shultz — August 5, 2012 @ 11:54 pm | Reply

  2. It was that Azzhell Dan McMuffin that spread (pard the pun) all that amputee fetish crap around and is still hopping in and outta bed with his many converts, what a perv, gotta love him.

    Comment by Juan Leggett — August 5, 2012 @ 11:57 pm | Reply

  3. Holy penile implant, To the batcave Robin!

    Comment by B. Wayne — August 5, 2012 @ 11:59 pm | Reply

  4. It was that one-legged Azzhole Dannyboy McMuffin that spread (no pun intended) cripe about amputees being great lovers and he’s still hopping from bed to bed with his many devotees. gotta love a self starter.

    Comment by Juan Leggett — August 6, 2012 @ 12:03 am | Reply

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