Acid Heroes

April 9, 2011

Help

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 11:32 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

(April 9, 2011)

 Image may contain: people sitting, tree, outdoor and nature
Disturbing scene today. I’m sitting at a secluded bench on the Berkeley campus, 2 PM, rolling a joint, about to get stoned . . . This cute college chick is sitting on the ledge about 20 feet away, mostly obscured by a big tree trunk between us. . . When suddenly she starts crying hysterically. Sobbing and wailing in agony. The sound of someone’s life falling apart, completely overwhelmed by some horrible tragedy or trauma. Which this life has a nasty tendency to dish out on a semi-regular basis these days.

The sound of her crying makes me so sad. I consider walking over and attempting to console her. “I know this is none of my business but are you all right?” Ask her if she needs anything. Offer her $10. I dunno. Anything to get her to stop crying. I’m just overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to console this poor, tormented creature. I look over, she’s sitting there with her head down, face in her hands, sobbing. She’s talking to someone on a cell-phone: “You said you were going to CALL!!” For all I know its just young love. Some cad has been two-timing her. I decide to just quietly make my exit in the opposite direction.

But that’s just how life is these days in these congested cities. You’re constantly stumbling into other people’s movies . . .

The other thing that disturbed me was how disturbed I was by the whole scene. I’m like an art fag or something. I’m envious of Hate Man in that regard: “I don’t worry about other people’s problems,” he often says. Whereas I’m constantly crying over the suffering of the world. The other morning while I was packing up my campsite I accidentally stepped on a slug. “Oh fuck!” I said. The slug crawled off no doubt thinking: “Asshole! You broke my fucking back!” I’m sure I ruined that slug’s whole day, if not the rest of his life. Then I’m sitting on a bench, enjoying watching these college students dancing together at an outdoor dance class. Suddenly this young guy in a wheelchair pulls up right in front of me and he’s watching the couples dancing, too. And I couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking. Probably: “These guys are having a blast dancing around on two legs while I’m stuck forever with my ass in this wheelchair.” And that depressed the hell out of me.

But now that I think of it, I think what really depressed me about hearing the co-ed crying was I sensed she was desperate. We all are. For a variety of reasons. These are desperate times. Everything is collapsing. And yet we all have to keep maintaining our facades. We’re all in such difficult positions. These “troubled economic times.” But that doesn’t begin to describe the problem. Which is that our economy doesn’t work. Everyone is in debt. And it’s so difficult and complex to even plug into the economic system. These kids coming up nowadays are overwhelmed. There’s nowhere for them to go. They’re getting squeezed out at every juncture. And then being told: “What’s wrong with YOU? Shape up!’

But what was so distressing about the co-ed crying: She needed help. But there was no help anywhere. Probably we’ve all been in that situation. We desperately need help, and there’s no one that can help us, even if they wanted to. They don’t call it “the dark night of the soul” for nothing.

“You said you were going to CALL!”

Was her haunting cry.

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3 Comments »

  1. Slugs don’t have spines genius, and you should have clobbered that wheelchair bloke for obscuring your view of the hot co-eds dancing away their troubles over these “troubled economic times”.
    Nobody’s helping me but do you hear me complaining?
    Actually you would if you were within 3 blocks of me, I never stop whingeing really.

    Just playing with you Ace, I like what you wrote.
    Do not take it as a knock.
    You truly are a leader of men. 🙂

    Comment by English tracey — April 10, 2011 @ 3:43 am | Reply

  2. The plural of Editor is Editors, not Editor’s.

    Comment by Daniel — January 4, 2012 @ 11:42 pm | Reply


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