Politics

 

I’m a registered Republican so I’m voting for Mitt Romney. But I’m getting a little worried about his chances. Romney has presidential hair. But he lacks presidential neck. He often looks sorta’ like a hunchback with his head coming out of his chest. Thats bad. Because the American people want a president with a good, strong neck. It denotes strength and leadership and an up-lifted head peering off into America’s future.
 
Obama on the other hand is a bit of a pencil neck geek, and yet he still conveys a strong neck (note comparative graphics). Somehow you feel he’s resilient as well as visionary. While Romney often appears to be peering downward as if checking whether his fly is open. You might scoff at this theory, but I challenge you to go back and review our previous presidential elections. According to my calculations, the candidate with the stronger neck has won nearly 90% of the time. I rest my case.
 
For example, its no coincidence that one of our most popular presidents  — Ronald Reagan — just happened to have an extremely strong and presidential neck.  And in fact, his popularity only began to waver when he started developing that turkey-neck thing.
 
Consider this: They once did an exhaustive study of all the West Point cadets to find out which ones rose to the rank of 5-star general. What traits did these generals all share? High intelligence? Leadership capacity? True grit? No. They found the one and only common denominator shared by all the 5-star generals was that they all had good. strong, lantern jaws. I kid you not. Whether the lantern jaw actually eminated leadership qualities, or whether it was a perception-is-reality thing (he looks like a leader so therefore he must be) who knows. But the facts speak for themselves.
 
Or as they say at the races: “The horses are coming down the stretch and they’re running neck and neck!” Or in other words:  May the best neck win.

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