Acid Heroes

November 3, 2012

Face Bookwords

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 11:24 pm
Tags: ,


I finally broke down and bought a cell phone last month.  I heard that this cell phone thing could catch on, and I like to be in on the latest trends.  I’m hip after all.  Before this, I’d never used a cell phone in my life.  I’m not much of a phone person.  The idea of putting some sort of device up to my ear so that a stranger’s voices can rattle around inside my brain is vaguely disquieting.  I’ve got enough shit going on in my brain as it is.  Personally I prefer to communicate by writing long, dull emails that nobody reads.

Anyways, after two days and much button-pushing I finally figured out how to turn the damn thing on.  Shortly after that I found my first porn site (I couldn’t be more proud).  Things were going great and I was gradually developing a mastery of the cell phone medium when, inexplicably, the piece of junk stopped working.  I tried everything to figure out the problem. Well, mostly I spent hours endlessly pressing different buttons in the hopes of magically fixing the thing (I’m obsessive/compulsive and once I get into a button-pushing jag I’m good for hours to go).  Finally, several days later, I figured out the problem.  My one-month service fee had expired so thats why it shut down.  Unfortunately by that time I had ruined the thing by my relentless button-pushing routine, so I had to lay out 80 bucks to buy another one.

One peculiar bi-product of owning a cell phone is that I’ve developed a weird obsession with taking photos of my face.  Am I the only one who does that?   Is there a name for this weird psychological behavior?  I’ve always had a weird obsession and insecurity with my body image.  I think I’m like a woman in that regard because I’ve heard they’re into that,too.


I’ve always been self-conscious about myappearance.  I’m never sure what kind of image I’m projecting to the public, though I often suspect its a bad one.  For years I mostly wear a baseball hat in public because of my receding hairline.  That bit.  Unfortunately, in Berkeley, there’s a complete lack of Help The Homeless Get Expensive Hairweave programs.  Its a glaring ommission from an otherwise righteously progressive community.

But I’ve always been like that.  Recently I came across some old photos of me when I was in my early 30s and I was shocked at how good I looked.  If only I had known that back then! I thought.  I might have got some action.

Or maybe my cellphone face camera obsession is simply a biproduct of being homeless.  You don’t have a bathroom, or a bathroom mirror, and rarely see how you look during the course of the day (aside from checking my reflection in storefront windows as I stride by — Hey, there I am!  Cool!)

Also, too, when I study the photos of my face its not just a body image thing.  Its also sort of existential. As in:  “Who the hell IS that guy?”  and “What does it mean to be a human being alive on planet earth amidst a infinite universe while staring at a photo of one’s face in a cellphone?”  These are the questions that have vexed mankind since the beginning of the internet age.

Oddly, I have no interest in taking cell phone photos of my penis.  I hear thats big in certain quarters also.




  1. Welcome to the 21st century!

    Although I don’t think anyone even calls them “cell phones” anymore. You just refer to it by whatever brand it is. “My Blackberry.” “My Droid.” “My iphone”. Etc.

    Comment by J.R. LeMar — November 3, 2012 @ 11:36 pm | Reply

    • Darn! I’m still not hip!

      Comment by Ace Backwords — November 4, 2012 @ 12:46 am | Reply

  2. […] BONUS QUOTE from Ace Backwords: […]

    Pingback by Why Do Homeless People Need Cell Phones? | House The Homeless — May 31, 2016 @ 11:00 am | Reply

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