Acid Heroes

November 27, 2013

Growing old

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 10:29 pm
Tags: , , , ,
 Lately I noticed that my weight had suddenly ballooned from my fighting weight of 180 pounds to a whopping, lard-assed 206 pounds.  So I figured it was time to take bold, direct action before I turned into a completely hapless blob.

So I got me a basketball and went down to the  local park with the idea of getting in a good work-out and sweating off a pound or ten.  After about 5 minutes of warming up I was done.  I was gasping for breath and muscles were aching all over my body.  Its like every cigarette I had ever smoked over the last 15 years was saying:  “Hey, dude, remember me?”  I thought to myself:  “How could this have happened?”  I remembered the days when I used to run full-court for 4 or 5 hours every afternoon.  And that was only back in 1992.  Twenty years ago.  Is 20 years really that long of a time?  I guess theres a big difference between being 37 and being 57.   “Sigh.”  “I’m getting old,” I thought.  (To which Hate Man used to always interject: “You ARE old.”)  (Is it any wonder I hate that bastard??)

I admit I have a hard time accepting growing old.  Every morning when I look in the mirror I always think: “Hey? What the hell happened to my hair?”  Like some terrible mistake had taken place while I was sleeping.  Perhaps I had mislaid my head of hair somewhere.  And can’t something be done about this?  We can send a man to the moon.  Why can’t we do something about stopping the goddam procession of time???  (Let’s get some of our best scientists on the job right away).  Making my transition into geezerhood even more painful is (like a lotta’ guys)  I’m still attracted to young chicks.  But even I am disgusted by the idea of someone like me having sex with a young chick.  So I can imagine how other people feel.

(P.S.   In a related aside, Hugh Hefner is one of the slimiest pieces of shit on the planet.  America’s most beloved whore-monger, this peddler-of-human-flesh, this vampire feeding off of young flesh for 60 years.  God what a pig that guy is.  I’m reminded of a joke this comedian told when he heard ole Hef was getting married to this 20 year old chick.  Gave the chick good advice for their honeymoon:  “Don’t look at it.”   And we all know what “it” was.  Though knowing Hugh he’s probably had plastic surgery done on his dick, too.  And no I’m not kidding.)  (P.P.S.  And no, I’m not just saying this because I’m jealous.  The bastard)

So anyways I’m trying to figure out how to deal with this bulging gut of mine.  Mature adult that I am I’ve devised  many new and innovative techniques for tying my shoes without having to actually bend over.  So that’s a start.   Then  I decided to check out a bunch of these diet books but it was all this shit about “eating less and exercising more.”  Sheesh, give me a break.  Why do you think man invented liposuction surgery.

The worst thing is, my life is so empty these days, the first thing I think when I wake up for morning is: “What can eat I eat for lunch?”  That’s like the highlight of my day.  Often its the ONLY light of my day.  Speaking of which, its time to stop sitting here babbling on the internet and get up and get some exercise walking to my refrigerator.  Nyuk nyuk.


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  1. Real talk. Good stuff.

    In 20 years, you’ll look at that picture of you at 57 and think, “and I thought I looked old then??”

    Comment by hardears pickney — November 29, 2013 @ 12:29 pm | Reply

    • So true!

      Comment by Ace Backwords — December 2, 2013 @ 8:34 pm | Reply

  2. Go to the website eat The thing about men liking young women is in our genes. Thousands of generations of men who left children were focused On young healthy women. Look at evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology. There is an author named buss he has a book called the evolution of desire r.Research stuff before Giving opinions.
    Check out Warren Farrell too. Very helpful

    Comment by Head for the hills — February 16, 2014 @ 7:46 am | Reply

    • Oh shut up. It has nothing to do with only genes. It’s also because you’re an immature, narcissistic pervert that doesn’t want to grow up and accept your old age. What reproductive benefit is there for women to mate with ugly, old geezers such as yourself? There is none. You’re physically inferior from old age, you’re balding, in no physical position to be running behind little children IF you even can make babies because when men hit 40 their fertility drastically declines, you’re wrinkly, some of you even smell of death, and men over 40 have defective sperm which heightens the chances of creating defective offspring. You old perverts crack me up: You dont want to tolerate ugliness and flaws on a woman but you want someone to accept your flaws and ugliness. Talk about hypocrisy. Smfh. And think of the children: If you’re 60 with a small baby, how do you think the child will feel about having an 80 year old dad if you even live to that age once the child grows up to be 20 years old? Not only that, who said a young woman wants to be rolling your old raggedy ass around in a nursing home, because truth is you’ll be cripple sooner or later. It’s also hilarious to see how threatened you are by young men who are intelligent and mature, as much as you like to spew delusional negative rhetoric about young men because you’re jealous of them, because young men who are intelligent and mature are not only physically superior but also mentally superior as well. If you do ever manage to attract a young woman, which is rarely ever, she has either daddy issues, gold-digging tendencies, low self esteem, and is suffering from severe mental retardation or all four of those lmao. No woman in her RIGHT mind is attracted to some old geezer that looks like the Crypt Keeper from Tales From The Crypt. Old-man young-woman relationships are based on the old-man’s narcissism, because he is an immature POS suffering from the existential mediocrity that is his insignificant little life that is preventing him from accepting his old age; the relationship is about stroking his ego; it strokes his ego to walk down the street showing off a young woman; it strokes his ego to think a young woman is interested in him. Talk about sad and creepy lmao. Only normal people can accept their old age. I know when I get old I will not be like this. Growing old is apart of life. If looks are all you can care about in your old age, then you are an empty, hollow defective subhuman. Surely there has to be something else about you that you can be proud of besides looks when you get older.

      Comment by Zaakiya Cuellar — April 23, 2015 @ 7:00 pm | Reply

      • Ha ha. Thanks for sharing. I bet you’re a lot of fun at parties.

        Comment by Ace Backwords — April 23, 2015 @ 11:05 pm

      • Is that you, Karl?

        Comment by Ace Backwords — April 24, 2015 @ 5:12 am

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