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“Hello, earthlings. Jesus Christ here. It’s been about 2 thousand and 23 years since I last talked with you directly. But since its Easter Sunday I thought I’d check back with you guys and give you my latest updates regarding my plans for humanity. Well, I mean, of course, Dad’s plans. Ha ha. I’m just your humble middle man…….
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First off I’d like to clear up all this End-of-the-World stuff. Needless to say some people have been talking out of school lately. Let me assure you, there’s nothing in the works regarding the impending Apocalypse. And the people who have been spreading these false rumors on my behalf have been condemned to eternal torment in Hell (just kidding)….
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Secondly, I’d like to clear up the Beatles thing. I’m a big enough of a Messiah to concede that, yes, the Beatles are more popular than me with the kids nowadays. No biggie.
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Thirdly, contrary to what you might have heard from certain Republicans, I have yet to officially endorse a candidate in the up-coming 2024 presidential race. I will say one thing. Joe Biden is a loser. And I don’t think Trump has even read the Bible. But enough of politics (I got in enough trouble with Pontius Pilate and the Roman government the last time I got into that stuff).
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Well, that’s about it from this end. Oh and yeah, I thought that line from Sam Kinison about how I wouldn’t be returning to Earth until I could play the piano again with my stigmata riddled hands — was genuinely amusing. Don’t let nobody tell ya’ Jesus Christ doesn’t have a sense of humor . . .
Well, that’s it from me, Jesus Christ, speaking on behalf of God.
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Happy Easter and amen and all that stuff.”
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Acid Heroes 
I always wanted to do this TV sitcom, “The Christ Brothers” starring Jesus and Irving Christ. They’re kind of like Laurel & Hardy. And they move from town to town. Jesus is the stage performer and his brother Irving is his manager/agent who sets up the gigs. There’s a lot of competition in the Messiah business, but Jesus is just starting to build up a following and breaking into the top ten. He’s gone from doing gigs in little clubs opening for John the Baptist to headlining his own sold-out concerts (the fish-and-loaves thing turned out to be a big draw).
You get my drift……If I could get away with putting together a couple of shows before I was tarred and feathered and run out of town I’d consider it a success.