Acid Heroes: the Legends of LSD

June 9, 2014

Jesus Christ MLB Superstar

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 7:06 pm

 

  Jesus Christ at the plate, two outs,  bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, and the rangy lefthander Satan is on the mound.

 

Backwords:  It’s been one of the all-time great games thus far.  A classic battle of good versus evil.  Ace Backwords here with my fellow sportscasters Shannon Wheeler, Peter Jones and Mario Grillo.

Wheeler:  Let he who is without sin throw the first ball.

Jones:  Who’s on first?

Grillo:  Hitler’s on third.  Idi Amin’s in left.

Backwords:  Charlie “Chuck” Manson has been playing a mean shortstop.

Jones: Pol Pot behind the plate.

Grillo:  Biggus Dickus “pitching” in the bullpen.

Backwords:  Joseph Stalin the manager.  Anybody who makes an error, Stalin takes ’em out back and shoots them in the head.  Stalin is tough but fair. . .  Ty Cobb in right field.  He alway was kind of a bastard.

Jones:  Pol Pot signals for a curveball . . . Satan shakes him off. . .  Here’s the  OH, its that wicked spitter.  Jesus checks his swing.  Did he go around? They look to 1rst base. . .  1rst base ump shakes his head. . . Count three balls and two strikes.

Grillo:  What’s this?  A streaker is on the field.  It’s Mary Magdaleen.

Backwords:  Hell of a game!  The count is 3 and 2.  Bases loaded.  Bottom of the ninth.  Satan goes through his wind-up.  The pitch.  Jesus Christ blasts it!  Its going. . . going. . . GONE!!  A grand slam home run for Jesus Christ!!  The fans are going absolutely crazy!!  You’d think they had died and gone to heaven!!  Christ has won the game!! . . .  But wait.  The commissioner, God Himself, has just taken over the microphone.  God has just announced the results of Jesus Christ’s drug test.  Christ has tested positive for steroids. . . Damn!  Looks like they’ll have to put a goddamn asterick after this game.

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