Acid Heroes

July 3, 2014

American Sportsman: Modern trout-fishing techniques

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 5:58 pm



Trout-underwaterWe were talking about “shooting fish in a barrel” the other day.  It reminded me of trout-fishing in New Jersey.

Right before opening day of fishing season they would stock the rivers with thousands and thousands of trout from the local fish refineries.  There were so many fish in the river, you could practically stick your hands in the river and scoop them up.  Plus, the trout were dazed or drugged or something, from the change in environment.  Making them even easier to catch.  Anyways, there would be hundreds of fishermen lined up on both sides of the river.  And when fishing season officially started at 6 AM everyone would throw their lines in at once.  Everyone would be pulling fish out of the river left and right.  Some people would reach their limit of 10 fish in like 20 minutes.

But I could never catch a fish.  Not a single one.  I don’t know what was wrong with me.  I was without a doubt the world’s worst fisherman.  I mean, there would be 5 year old kids there, pulling out trout.

I think it was because I was such a wimp.  I felt squeamish just sticking the live worm onto my hook. I kept thinking: “Man, that’s gotta’ hurt!  Poor worm.”  And every once in a blue moon when I actually did catch a fish (usually by accident) I used to hate having to pull the hook out of the fish’s mouth.  When the fish started wriggling, I’d throw it down on the ground, pole and all. Used to scare the shit out of me. Like the fish was gonna’ attack me or something.  My older brother (who was a fantastic fisher — our freezer was always stocked with dozens of trout he had caught —  used to tell me it didn’t hurt the fish when the hook went into into their mouths.  But I never believed him.

I think it was because I found the whole ordeal so traumatizing that I subconsciously sabotaged myself, to prevent myself from actually catching a fish.

But what I couldn’t figure was:  I’m a product of millions of years of evolution.  My genetic descendents struggling against mighty odds for centuries to somehow keep feeding themselves.  Scratching and clawing.  Man’s brutal struggle for survival in this dog-eat-dog world of ours.  I keep wondering:  How the hell did I make it this far?





  1. I also wonder how i made it this long. If Darwin & Spencer’s theories were genuine laws, I would have been dead decades ago. And based on the overall quality of my life, I would have welcomed an early death, especially if those atheist theoriest were correct & only sweet oblivion lay beyond. Destiny seems to be the law at play here, keeping me alive long enough to reap my “richly deserved karma.”

    Comment by Jon — July 3, 2014 @ 6:47 pm | Reply

  2. I fished every day for three years straight, from 84 to 87… Not one fish caught. Sold all my gear…

    Comment by Darrell Legg — July 7, 2014 @ 1:31 am | Reply

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