Acid Heroes

September 23, 2014

The Ace Backwords 14-Day Sobriety Plan

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 6:37 pm
Tags: , , ,
14192180_1558882070795997_3430029217231433664_n.jpg

I’ve been drunk every night for the last two months.   So I decided to see if I could go two weeks without drinking.   Just to see if I could do it.  Starting two days from now on Monday.   I can’t stop drinking tonight because it’s Saturday night and are you kdding?   And I can’t stop drinking tomorrow because the Niners are playing the Chicago Bears at 5 PM and I’m already salivating about that first pitcher of beer.  But Monday is my target date.   Wish me luck.

Day One:  It’s Monday evening and I’ve managed to go several hours without a drink.  Even as every street sign from every store or bar window advertising alcohol, calls to me, beckons to me, from some deep part within myself.  Same old “Sirens of Titan” shit.  . .  It occurs to me, I don’t have the slightest idea of what to do with myself.  Maybe I need a hobby or something?  Or possibly a life.

Day Two:  It’s weird to be sitting here in this bar drinking Coca Cola while everyone else is getting drunk.  It reminds me of this friend of mine who used to be a great drinking buddy of mine.  Me and her would get drunk together and have these incredibly soulful discussion.   We’d talk for hours and share the most intimate details of our souls, and etc. . . .  Then one night, she was drunk and I was sober.  And I’m sitting there listening to her drunken babble.  And I’m thinking:  “HOLY SHIT!  IS THIS WHAT WE SOUNDED LIKE??”  Ha ha.

10407648_970988572918686_5593925297440753634_n.jpg

A delicious — if frankly undynamic — Agua Fresca

Day Three:   It’s 8:30 PM and I’m drinking  . . . a delicious strawberry agua fresca. . . .  I’ve never felt more ridiculous.   These things don’t have much of a kick to them.  I must admit, this sobriety thing leaves a lot to be desired.  For one thing, it’s BORING.  Nothing is happening!  Nothing is usually happening when I’m drinking, either.  But at least the artificial, chemically-induced stimulation speeds things up and gets things swirling so there’s at least a simulation of something happening.   Sheesh. . . . What do you sober people do for fun, anyways?

Dave Four:  It’s extremely weird to be walking up to my campsite late at night, sober.  I’m almost always drunk at this point.  And I’d usually sort of float and dance my way up the mile-long hike to the Berkeley hills.  Often I’d do weird drunken things like suddenly stop and execute perfect spin-moves and pirouettes for no particular reason.  And then burst out laughing at some inside joke that was so inside usually I didn’t even get it.  Then I might climb up on some narrow ledge 10 feet off the ground and prance across it like a tight-rope walker just for kicks, just to see if I could do it without breaking my ass . . .  But now, sober, I’m trudging up-hill.  Like working some grim nine-to-five job.  And even stranger. Usually, when I’m drunk, I easily navigate the 100-yard stretch up the trail in the pitch-dark woods.  But sober, it seems completely different.  I actually got lost several times.  It’s like I’m a completely different person sober and I have to learn how to do things all over again.  And this, too.  I feel these certain pangs of fear as I tip-toe through the dark woods. When I’m drunk I’m oblivious and in a state of absolute fearlessness (and/or stupidity).  But sober, I’m acutely aware of every little sound and strange things that go bump in the night. . . .  I guess alcoholism really is a state of self-induced schitzophrenia.  Where you actually become a different person.
Image may contain: living room, table and indoor

Note the big, empty space on my table. That’s usually occupied with a big, ice cold, frothy pitcher of beer . . . Sad, isn’t it? Football without beer is kind of like, well, football with out beer. . . . It’s like performing an unnatural sex act or something.

Day Six:  Now comes the big test.  Saturday night.  The big Cal vs. Arizona football game.

Day Seven:  Well.  Guess what?  The Cal-Arizona game, by the way, turned out to be one of the most spectacular games of the year.  Arizona came back from being behind by 3 scores to win the game with an unbelievable 47-yard Hail Mary touchdown pass on the very last play of the game as time expired!!! . . . .  A play I missed, by the way.  I got bored with nursing my Coca Cola and left around the third quarter.  But I guarantee you this:  I would have caught that play if I had been pounding the pitchers of beer and was in my usual, football-watching comfort zone. . . .  I’m just pointing this out to show you:  For all the problems drinking can cause, there’s an upside to alcoholism.  For one thing, the alcoholic football fan rarely misses the big play.  We usually have it timed so that we’re not puking and passing out in the parking lot until after the game.

Day Eight:  I admit.  I find this lack of alcohol to be somewhat disheartening. . . .

Day Eleven:  Spent all last night in a sports bar eating fish and chips and drinking Coca Colas.  The funniest part was when they brought out the karaoke — all these drunken, white co-eds screaming along to “Super Freak” by Rick James.   Ha ha. . . Several people suggested it was a bad idea for me to hang out in bars if I’m trying to quit drinking.  But I’m not like that.  With me it’s not a matter of “will power” or fighting to “resist temptation.”  I decide I’m going 14 days without alcohol and that’s it . .  I’ve always been mystified and confused about the concepts of “addictions” and “compulsive behaviors.”  With me it’s simple:  If I want to do something, I do it . . .  It gets more complicated when I’m conflicted.  I want to do THIS.  But I also want to do THAT.  But I can’t do both . . .  So generally, like with politics, I just end up moving in whatever direction I’m 51% or more in favor of .. . I guess it gets trickier when you feel compelled to move in a direction that is obviously self-destructive.  Sure, a part of me fights to resist.  But if 51% of me still wants to move in that direction, then I concede I’m a stupid fuck and pay the price of self-destructing for awhile until I usually (but not always) wise up . .  I have a hard time doing S&M on myself.  Forcing myself to submit.  Even if it’s for my own good.  I’m too strong-willed and stubborn to control my impulses past a certain point. . .  They say:  “The fool who persists in his folly will one day be wise.”  And if he doesn’t wise up, then he usually just ends up a dead fool.   I guess that’s just how it works.

10702148_968735343144009_6900577043604929675_n.jpg

Cheers!

I’m so proud of myself!! I did it!! I went 14 days without any alcohol. So now I’m celebrating. With beer and football, naturally. NINERS!!!

 

,

 
 
Advertisements

4 Comments »

  1. Is this a repost?

    Comment by denise1948 — September 23, 2014 @ 6:58 pm | Reply

  2. It’s good to do these kinds of experiments. It will show you what the trigger is for resumed drinking. Pro tip: don’t hang out in bars drinking soda pop.

    Good luck with staying clean ace.

    Comment by hardears pickney — September 24, 2014 @ 1:55 pm | Reply


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: