Acid Heroes

November 21, 2014

I lost my fucking glasses

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 7:19 pm
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I was diagnosed with glaucoma about 5 years ago.  I’m legally blind in the left eye (20-200). And not so hot in the right eye, either.
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If that wasn’t bad enough, a couple of nights ago I got a little too drunk and I fell down in the woods while I was hiking up to my campsite, and my glasses came off and I lost them.  It wasn’t completely my fault.  This complete idiot, this complete lunatic, has been camping near my campsite.  So I veered off of the usual trail I take to avoid him.  Ended up thrashing around in the bushes in almost complete darkness, having no idea where I am or which direction I’m going.  Fell down several times, and in the process, lost my glasses.  I was so drunk, I didn’t even realize I had lost them until I was half-way to my campsite.  Spent two hours the next morning searching around for them.  But it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.

On the upside:  I look more handsome without my glasses.  Or maybe it’s just because I can’t see what I really look like.  Ha ha.

So for the last couple days, I’ve been staggering around without my glasses. Walking around half-blind probably takes 50 points off my IQ.  In fact, it’s starting to turn me into an imbecile.

This morning I ordered my breakfast in a restaurant, and they gave me order number 99 on my receipt.  So I’m waiting and waiting for my number to be called.  But they don’t call it.  Finally, I get tired of waiting, so I go up to the counter and say:

“Where the hell is my breakfast?”

And the guy says:

“You’re number is 66.  You’re looking at your receipt upside-down, you idiot.”

I get my breakfast and it’s completely cold.  Sheesh.

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6 Comments »

  1. Hope your day gets better Ace!

    Comment by Darrell — November 23, 2014 @ 3:20 am | Reply

  2. How would you know it was like searching for a needle in a haystack ? Have you ever done that?… Searched for a needle in a haystack.😁😒😣
    What if the needle was a huge thick 6 foot long steel object? And the hay was only 2 inches high. How about some fucking accuracy!!
    The world is falling apart and all you can do is use Bad metaphors.
    In reality, I greatly admire you and I worry about you. I hope you find your glasses. Maybe cut down on the drinking just a little.😜😳😞😞

    Comment by Joe Schmoe from Kokomo lowest of the low — November 25, 2014 @ 5:44 am | Reply

    • In truth it was literally like a needle in a haystack. The weeds and hay and dead grass and straw in the hills looked exactly like the silver frames of my glasses. A literary genius like Ace Backeords wouldnt have resorted to such a cliche if it wasnt exactly apt. That is my pledge to the 12 people who actually read my blog.

      Comment by Ace Backwords — November 25, 2014 @ 5:53 am | Reply

  3. I’ve lost my glasses at one point or another and it is always a huge pain in the ass. Best of luck with your search!

    Comment by Rich — November 25, 2014 @ 6:29 am | Reply

    • Thanks. I already ordered a new pair and they’ll be ready next week. The ones I lost were 6 years old and all bent out of shape. So what the hell.

      Comment by Ace Backwords — November 25, 2014 @ 5:29 pm | Reply

  4. Happy Thanksgiving Ace.

    Comment by Jon — November 27, 2014 @ 6:48 pm | Reply


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