Acid Heroes

September 12, 2015

One of the worst fights I ever saw

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 7:28 pm
Tags: , ,

One of the odd byproducts of all the years living on the street scene — I’ve seen literally hundreds and hundreds of fights over the years.  Most of them just involved people punching and slapping and kicking and hair-pulling and eye-gouging and wrestling around on the ground like pigs in slop.

But occasionally people would bash each other with big sticks and rocks and slabs of concrete and skateboards and bicycles and whatever else was handy (we really haven’t evolved that far from the caveman even as we made it to the moon).

And every now and then someone will pull out a knife or a machete or smash a bottle over some chump’s head.  And I only have a hand-full of gunfire stories, thankfully (I try to roll with a lightweight crew if I can help it).

But I remember one particularly odd and ludicrous fight.   This guy took umbrage with something this other guy had said or done (that’s usually how it starts).  He was righteously outraged about SOMETHING, I tell you (god knows what).  So he challenged the other guy to a duel.  Right there in the middle of the street.

“C’MON MOTHERFUCKER LET’S DO IT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING STREET!!!”

He took off his jacket and slammed it to the ground in preparation for mortal combat!!  Then he took off his shirt and slammed that to the ground, showing off his manly and muscular chest!!

But then, in a move that surprised many of us who were watching, he took off his pants and slammed them to the ground.  Then he took off his underpants and slammed those to the ground.

So now he’s standing there in the middle of the street, completely naked.  His penis swaying poignantly in the breeze.  He’s looking around.  He knows he’s mad about SOMETHING.  But he can’t quite remember what it was that he was mad about (you know how it is with those darn drugs — sometimes it’s hard to maintain your train of thought).

He stood there for awhile in the middle of the street, naked, with a confused and befuddled expression on his face.  Muttering vague curses to himself.  Until he finally gathered up all his clothes in his arms, and sheepishly trotted off down the street.

That wasn’t one of the more particularly impressive fights I’ve ever seen over the years.

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