If they ever have a National Alcoholics Day as a holiday, December 5th would be the perfect day for it.
In fact, the more I think of it, in order to atone for Prohibition (1920 – 1933) I think we need to institute a 13-year period where alcohol is forced on ALL American citizens. Compulsory alcohol consumption. For all Americans. That means YOU. With severe penalties (fines, jail-time and/or public floggings) for all tea-totalers and sober bastards. Throw the book at the whole sorry lot of them. Sure, they can walk in a straight line. Way to go! Am I impressed.
So I am pleased to announce the beginning of the Antihibition movement. Mandatory drunkenness, under penalty of law.
Prohibition was started by the so-called Progressive movement. And just look where progress got us.
Hell in a hand basket. So I’m forming the Regressive movement to get this country back on the right track. Starting with Antihibition. Sign my petition now. Let’s get it on the 2016 ballot. No longer will we allow this country to be degraded and shamed by the doings of the sober minority amongst us. Down with sobriety! Up with drinks!