But as I’m approaching my campsite I notice these blurry flashing lights off in the distance. I can’t make out what they are. That’s odd. So I put my hands up to my face. And I realize:
“HOLY SHIT MY GLASSES AREN’T ON MY FACE. I’M HALF BLIND WITHOUT MY GLASSES. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GLASSES???!!!”
So now its 2 in the morning, I’m drunk out of my mind, and I have to figure out what happened to my glasses. Usually they’re sitting there right on my face. Wedged in there on my nose and hooked onto my ears. But now. Inexplicably. They’re gone. “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GLASSES?” I think. Sadly.
Then. I remember. Dimly. From the alcohol-ridden recesses of my brain. “About a half mile down the road. I grabbed my sweat shirt from my stash spot. And I bet I took my glasses off so I could pull my sweatshirt over my head. And I bet I left my glasses sitting there on the curb.”
A plausible theory.
The whole stupid thing was a drag. But part of me is also thinking: “I’m getting fat. I’m starting to get a beer gut. So this is a good thing. I ended up walking an extra half mile so I got some exercise and burned off some calories.” Plus. This might make for an interesting anecdote on my Facebook page (and so I took out my cellphone and posted the whole stupid story on my Facebook page). So it’s all good.
Or maybe I just have an ability to rationalize anything.
But the bottom line is. Its now 3 am. And I still have to trudge a half mile back up to my campsite. But at least I got my goddamn glasses. The End.