The Cowardly Feline

Moo Cat is such a coward. The other cats are always chasing after her and running her off because she acts like such an asshole. And she’ll go running down the hill with her tail between her legs, climb up a tree, and cower up there until the other cats finally leave her alone.

But you should have seen her last night. Oh, what a tough cat she was. It was around midnight and I put out some cat food for her, when this raccoon showed up and tried to horn in on the action. I shooed the raccoon away. And then I sort of stood there by Moo Cat’s side while she was eating, to guard the cat food and keep the raccoon at bay until Moo Cat was finished eating.

When she was done eating, I got in my sleeping bag, and Moo Cat sat on top of my chest. But when the raccoon returned, Moo Cat decided to show off her awesome power. She did this sort of fake-lunge in the raccoon’s direction. And then started growling fiercely at the raccoon, showing off her fangs to let the raccoon know she’d rip his lungs out if he made one more move in her direction. The raccoon did in fact back off and trot down the hill. But it was only because I — this 195 pound human being — was lying right behind Moo Cat backing her up all the way. If I hadn’t been there, you can bet Moo Cat would have been sprinting down the hill with her tail between her legs.

But you sure couldn’t tell Moo Cat that. She gave me this cocky, jaunty, “tough guy” look, like: “I sure showed that damn raccoon who was boss, huh?” Then she slept peacefully by my side for the rest of the night.

I swear to God, Moo Cat cracks me up.

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