I remember this one night when I was tweaking on crystal meth. And I suddenly realized I had lost a $20 bill.
So I spent the next several hours obsessively combing through every square inch of my apartment looking for that $20. To no avail. Earlier in the evening I had been looking through a big stack of newspapers in the corner. So I cleverly thought: “Maybe I dropped the $20 in between the newspapers while I was reading them.” So I spent several hours meticulously leafing through every page of the newspapers. That killed a couple of hours.
Then I thought: “Maybe it fell out of my pocket when I was walking from the Ave to my apartment.” It’s around 3 in the morning by this point. But I decided to go outside to the streets in search of the missing 20 dollar bill. So I spent the next several hours obsessively re-tracing my route in search of the money. No luck.
I continued on in this basic mode for many, many more hours. Late into the night and into the next morning. In between snorting the next lines of meth. Coming up with ever-new and more ingenious theories as to how I might have lost the $20. And then searching, searching, searching everywhere. Until — finally — I collapsed in exhaustion. And then slept like a rock for the next 15 hours.
The next morning when I woke up. I remembered I had spent the $20 on the crystal meth.
Crystal meth really is a stupid drug.