The Doors of Ingestion

The following is an excerpt from the controversial new book, THE DOORS OF INGESTION, by the prominent literary figure, and well-respected highbrow intellectual, Ace Backwords, where he documents his experiments with the consciousness-altering substance known as Olde English 800 Malt Liquor:


5:20 PM: I’ve just ingested the first 16 ounces of the Olde English 800 Malt Liquor. As of this moment I don’t notice any significant alterations to my normal state of consciousness.

5:55 PM: I’ve ingested a second 16 ounce dosage (approximately one pint) of the Olde English beverage. I’ve decided to consume the substance at 16 ounce intervals so as to accurately gauge the progressive affect. Feeling pleasantly light-headed at this measurement.

6:20 PM: I’ve completely ingested the first forty ounce bottle of the Olde English (more commonly known in the street vernacular as “40s”). For some reason I feel an over-powering urge to share my political views on my Facebook page.

8:15 PM: Having ingested a second “40” of the Olde English I am now experiencing dramatic alterations of my normal state of mind. My normal inhibitions have been lowered to the point where I’m completely free of the usual anxieties and psychological discomforts that plague my normal state of consciousness. Perhaps it would be worthwhile for psychologists and psychiatrists to study the chemical nature of the Olde English and it’s affect on the neurons of one’s brain as a possible therapeutic cure for common psychological neurosis.



10:55 PM: Having ingested the third “40” of OE I’ve noted that my inhibitions have been reduced to the point where my underlying and repressed hostilities are now rising to the surface to the point where I would really like to kick the living shit out of that obnoxious asshole over there who keeps staring at me. Motherfucker!!


12:40 AM: Having ingested the fourth “40” I’ve attained a transcendent state of bliss that I wonder if it might be akin to the “samadhi” and “satori” states described by the Eastern mystics of yore. I’ve almost completed transcended the physical plane, and the usual mortal feelings of pain and suffering and existential anxiety. For example, I don’t feel the least bit of discomfort, embarrassment or duress over the vomit drooling down the side of my face.   Or from the large, bloody gash on the back of my head which resulted when I temporarily lost my balance and smashed my head on the side of that goddamn table.

2:20 AM: All the liquor stores are now closed so I guess further research and/or experinnents willl have tkoo waitt untill I can vcsgbh jv ktf hfyeesfthn $-(&-(9($##$$$#R vhjk. . .



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s