In a way my life went down a dead end. That can happen. I’ve seen it happen with other people’s lives.

I first noticed it happening around 2004. “EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS CONTRACTING!”

That was the phrase that popped into my mind.


And that exactly described the process. All the things in my life that had been working, stopped working. All the relationships in my life that had been working, stopped working. One by one they all died out. It was a gradual process. But a relentless process. It was sort of like watching a lush, beautiful piece of scenery gradually drying up and turning into a barren desert.

It was somewhat of a shock and surprise when it started happening in 2004. Because up to that point my life had been fairly expansive. Each project led to new projects. Each relationship led to new relationships. One door closed and two doors opened.

And then things just stopped developing. My life, my options, kept getting narrower and narrower. It was as if I was painting myself into a corner that got smaller and smaller.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. Sometimes it can simply be a physical decline. Or a spiritual decline. Or you get locked into a pattern that worked for awhile, but then the world shifted, and you couldn’t shift or adjust with it. Or sometimes you just get hit with a traumatic experience — or a series of traumatic experiences — and it knocks the wind out of your sails, and you go down and you can never quite pick yourself up again. That’s probably what happened to me.

I’m not complaining, mind you. Or asking for help. Because I’ve had a pretty amazing life basically. It’s more of a wistful feeling that I’m feeling. This probably sounds corny but I saw my life as a rocket blasting up into sky. Blasting towards the stars. And it was a hell of a ride. But at some point you run out of fuel. Your forward progress stops. And you slowly start drifting back down to earth. . .



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