More existential moaning and groaning from good ole’ Ace Backwords!!

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Is Nothing sacred?
When I look back on my life I often get this sense of incompleteness. Like something crucial was always missing. I spent much of my life aspiring towards something — chasing after something — that always seemed just out of reach.

It often seems like I spent my life gobbling down one experience after another that i never really digested.

Every now and then I’d have one of those magic moments, like the Lived Happily Ever After moments in the movies. But the feeling was usually fleeting. I’d wake up the next morning and it would be the start of the next movie and the next challenges.

I remember the Chicago Bears quarterback Jim McMahon saying, “When I was a young man the one thing I wanted most of all in this world was to win a Super Bowl. And i worked like a dog for years and years aspiring towards that goal. And then when I finally won a Super Bowl it was the greatest feeling in the world. For several days I felt like I was in heaven. And then the feeling wore off, and I was right back where I started. I was like, is that all there is?”

Maybe its just the nature of this life. We eat to be hungry again later. Though it often seemed like I lived in a perpetual state of hunger. No matter what I had I always wanted something more. My guru used to say. “Planet earth is the realm of unsatisfied desires and cravings.”

My friend Duncan used to talk about “this yearning quality.” It’s an odd word, “yearning.” This feeling of intense longing for something. And often something we can’t even define or visualize.

I remember something the rocker John Doe of X once said to me. “Many artists have this hole inside themselves that they can never fill. Its why they create their art and run all over town and do all the things they do. To try and fill that hole.”

I guess I suffer from unrequited spirituality.

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