An interaction with a fellow sports fan at the urinals in the local sports bar

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The most memorable moment of the Warriors – Cavs game?

End of the 3rd quarter I go into the restroom of the sports bar to urinate. As I’m urinating this guy sidles up to the urinal next to me.

“HOW YOU DOIN’ MY MAN??” he shouts.

“Fine,” I says. “How are you doing?”

“OK!!” he shouts. “I HAVENT SEEN YOU AROUND IN AWHILE!!”

“I’ve been around,” I says.

Evidently he knows me. I have no idea who he is. This happens to me often these days. Where some guy I don’t know knows me. And I realize I have the worst end of both sides of the “fame and fortune” bargain. I got the semi-fame (where a bunch of strangers know who I am which is a pain in the ass). But I don’t got the fortune (where I could at least buy some cool stuff).

“HOW DO YOU LIKE THE GAME SO FAR??” he shouts.

“Warriors looking good,” I says.

So now I’m making smalltalk with some stranger standing right next to me while I’m drunk and trying to urinate. One of my least favorite things to do. But what can I do? I’m trapped. I can’t stop urinating in mid-stream. So I’m stuck there.

“I HATE THE WARRIORS!!” he shouts, with a hard edge of anger in his voice.

“Oh really?” I says.

So now my attempt at dull banal “sports small-talk” has an added complication. He obviously has some kind of axe to grind. So now I have to think about what he’s saying. And I hate having to think when I’m drunk.

“ALL THESE PEOPLE OUT THERE WEARING THEIR WARRIORS JERSEYS!! WHERE WERE THEY WHEN THE WARRIORS WERE LOSING!!”

“I guess they’re just fair-weather fans,” I says.

“EXACTLY!!!” he shouts.

So I’ve at least managed to say something that would placate him. And we ended our urination on a pleasant note.

I zipped up my pants and went back out to my table and my pitcher of beer and watched the fourth quarter. The End.

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