Breakfast at McDonald’s

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God there are so many nuts in this damn town!!

So it’s 8 in the morning and I drag myself out of my doorway and go to McDonald’s so that I might purchase a large dollar coffee plus free refill (such a deal). The guy waiting on line ahead of me is this big tall lunatic with haunted eyes who looks like Abe Lincoln and is talking to himself in this loud angry harangue. Even more disconcerting, he’s not facing the cash register, he’s turned around directly facing me and delivering his loud threatening harangue right at me. So I’m tense and alert for any sudden movements. When suddenly somebody bashes into me from behind.. I swerve around to confront the person. It’s just some homeless guy with a big load of stuff on his back and his stuff had whacked into me as he passed by. Course he doesn’t stop to say “excuse me” just keeps walking.

So I get my coffee and sit down. But before I can even take a sip, a pack of loud boisterous high school kids come in. They’re yelling and braying back and forth and shoving and pushing each other for fun. And they make their way to the cash register. But before they can even order, some other disturbance breaks out and they all go rushing out the front door. An Asian man is fighting with the pack. He throws something at them. One of the guys throws a haymaker punch at him. One of the girls starts whacking at him with her umbrella. And the whole pack disappears down the street to do God knows what — gang-stomp the guy? or did he get away? – –  (I’m watching it out of the front window).

Then the girl with the umbrella who had instigated the whole thing comes back in to order. But the cashier refuses to serve her. So she goes to the drink machine and starts pouring water all over the floor and spraying it at the cashier. “WELL THEN FUCK ALL A’ YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. I COULD GIVE A FUCK ‘BOUT Y’ALL!!” And storms out in a huff.

And that was my first 5 minutes at McDonald’s.

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