What do they call it? A “dark night of the soul”?? I’ve had a couple of those lately

 

Another torturous night in a seemingly endless expanse of torturous nights. My legs ached so bad I could not get comfortable no matter what position I took. Tossed and turned non-stop all night, unable to sleep. As the seconds slowly ticked by like eternities (at one point I looked at my cell phone and thought: “Well it’s 2:15. I’ve made it 15 minutes since the last time I looked at the clock.”).

Elevated my legs above my heart as I laid there — as the Doc suggested — but that didn’t make any difference. Raising the spectre that there might be something seriously wrong with my legs, and this torture might not stop until if-and-when I figure out what that is.

Got up a couple times during the course of the night and staggered around the block in the rain just because I couldn’t stand to lay there anymore. The late-night pizza place on the corner of Durant and Bowditch was still open so I ordered a slice of meatball pizza in the hopes that some food in my stomach might knock me out. Surreal feeling standing there eating my pizza at the counter as the merry and bright college students came in and out. Could they guess in a million years what I was going through? Usually we have no idea what the stranger standing next to us is going through.

As I laid there under my sleeping bag all night, exhausted but sleepless, I wondered if I was being tortured to death because of sins I’ve committed or bad karma I’ve accrued. And this is just my destiny. My fate….. Sometimes my philosophy of life isn’t necessarily a source of comfort to me.

 

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