BREAKING NEWS!! The Bay Area has been experiencing 47% more gloom lately. Berkeley was particularly hit, with a 53% increase in gloom over the last fiscal year. On the positive side, according to the latest reports San Francisco has experienced a 24% decrease in melancholy. While the overall level of disgust and outright despair has remained the same.

 In a related report, scientists have discovered that water may have “healing” powers, particularly in regards to quenching thirst.

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