So you’re interested in a career as a freelance artist and writer. . .

I’ve never been into sex toys. I never felt I needed artificial devices or paraphernalia to enhance my dysfunctional sex life.

But this photo reminded me of an odd memory from my sordid past. When I was just starting out my art career (so-called) back in 1978 the only publication that would hire me and publish me was this sleazy porn tabloid from Los Angeles. IMPULSE was the name of the paper. And it was in all the newspaper racks in the Bay Area. Which is how I heard of them.

Anyways IMPULSE paid me 50 bucks a month to do a comic strip and write a column. But then one month they were going through financial difficulties. So instead of paying me my 50 bucks they sent me 50 bucks worth of sex toys instead, en lieu of payment. This big box full of vibrators and dildos and Spanish Fly and penis-enlargers and God knows what else.

The one sex toy I really remember was this flesh-colored dildo. A very realistic depiction of the human penis made out of hard rubber.. Veins and all. The thing must have been at least a foot long. But the thing I really remember. In the middle of the dildo it had this rubber accordian-like piece. And it came with this battery-operated remote control device. And when you turned it on the accordian part in the middle would actually enlarge the dildo, making it go up and down, bigger and smaller. I guess to enhance your partner’s sexual pleasure.

The dildo came with this base. So you could stand it up-right. For awhile I used to keep it on the coffee table of my apartment. Like a conversation piece. And I would say to my guests, “Watch this.” And I’d take out the remote control device and turn it on. And the accordian-piece in the middle of the dildo would make the thing go up and down.

I probably still have the thing stashed in my storage locker somewhere. Ha ha.

It was the 1970s. The Sexual Liberation decade. We were all liberating ourselves in all sorts of ways back then. Ha ha.

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