A Facebook friend asked me why I drink so much. “On a daily, repetitive basis, what’s enjoyable about that?”. . . A good question.
I’m not sure why I enjoy it. From an early age — 16 — I was attracted to drugs and alcohol and altering my state of consciousness. And over the last 47 years I’ve experimented with a wide array of drugs and different kinds of alcohol towards that end. My only extended period of sobriety — 1997 to 2001 — I was heavily into Kundalini yoga and altering my consciousness that way.
I usually don’t start drinking until around 6 in the evening. And I usually start off pretty slowly. And I have a fairly high tolerance. So it’s not until around 9 PM that I feel the first effects of the alcohol. And for the first hour it’s a fairly mild “all-is-right-with-the world” feeling.
It’s only by about 10PM that I really start to feel “drunk.” Start to get a little wild and loose. And get progressively more so over the next 3 hours. Until I crash. So I’m really only drunk for 3 hours from 10 to 1 AM. And what do most normal people do during that time anyways? Sit on their asses watching their TV??
But the point is, I’m pretty sober for most of the hours of the day. Even when I’m heavily drinking.
And a good portion of my website writing is done during that 3-hour period. So it’s not like I’m completely wasting the time either (only partially wasting it, you see).
I think with a lot of alcoholics it stems from a need to access repressed parts of their personality that is blocked from them during their sober state. I knew a repressed gay guy who was unable to have sex unless he was drunk. And I’ve known repressed “nice guy” types who couldn’t express their anger without alcohol.
I guess with me, I’m a hyper-sensitive — often painfully-sensitive — person. With a mind that’s constantly churning churning churning. Alcohol dulls the wattage and gives me a temporary reprieve from my own mind.