1.) Halloween (one of the rare holidays with a much-needed touch of evil)
2.) Fourth of July (you get to blow up stuff and shit)
3.) New Years Eve (a grand celebration of alcoholism)
4.) Thanksgiving (I’m always down for stuffing my guts with meat and gravy and pumpkin pie)
5.) Ace Backwords Appreciation Day (not nearly celebrated enough as it should be)
6.) April Fool’s Day (everybody plays the fool, no exception to the rule)
7.) Easter (you get to hunt for eggs and candy, which off-sets the depressing religious aspect of Jesus being crucified for our sins and all that)
8.) Valentine’s Day (I’m a loser)
9.) Mother’s Day (I got issues)
10.) Christmas (you get presents and there’s jolly old Santa Claus, but it’s so over-blown for an entire month that when Christmas finally comes around it’s invariably a let-down)

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