This friend of mine is so freaked out about coronavirus, he’s afraid to go to the store to buy food or go to the laundromat to wash his clothes. And he offered to pay me money to do these tasks for him.
I told him: “Laundry is out. I hate doing my OWN laundry let alone somebody else’s (lately I’ve been washing my clothes by hand at my campsite).” But I was willing to fetch him some food. I sure don’t want to see the dude starve to death. Whether his clothes smell is a secondary concern.
I walked towards him to give him my phone number so we could stay in touch. “NO!!!” he said with real alarm. He wanted to maintain 10 feet of social distance between us. So I just yelled my phone number to him from a safe distance.
It occurred to me that the strength of reaction people have to coronavirus is proportional to their fear of death. People who strongly fear death are strongly and emotionally reacting to coronavirus (myself? I don’t want to die and take steps to prevent it, but I’m not losing any sleep over it).
I had a jug of orange juice that I had just bought at 7-11 so I offered it to him (I’m a big believer in vitamin C). “Is it SEALED??” he said with alarm. “Yes,” I said, “I just bought it 20 minutes ago, it’s still cold.” “Oh, OK,” he said. I placed the orange juice on a ledge 10 feet away from him. And went off to drink my beer. As he cautiously approached the orange juice.
Things are getting weird. And will probably get weirder before all is said and done.
Acid Heroes 