Drink druvers




I know this one guy — a longtime Berkeley street person — who was driving down University Avenue, and he was a little too drunk. And he decided to get even more dunk and purchase some more liquor at the liquor store on the corner. Unfortunately, when he tried to park his car, he made a sharp righthand turn and drove right up onto the sidewalk and right through the front window of the store, practically all the way to the cash register.

I guess that’s one way to keep from waiting on line.




An unpleasant exchange on a Friday night

 I’m walking down Durant St around midnight tonight. And this car full of idiots directly in front of me is slowly pulling out of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk and into the road. The problem being, I happened to be walking on the sidewalk right in front of the car.

And the idiot driver isn’t even watching where he’s going as he’s driving. He’s merrily talking out of his open window to some of his idiot friends who are standing by the side of his car.

“HEY!! HEY!! HEY!! HEYYYYY!!!” I shout, in the hopes of getting the driver’s attention as I jump out of the way of the car. No such luck.

Fortunately the idiot in the passenger seat starts grabbing at the idiot driver and alerting him as to my existence in this world. You can actually see a dimbulb sense of comprehension flashing across the driver’s face. Like: “Oh!! Uh duh. Maybe I should be watching where I’m driving so I don’t done run somebody over.”

“I’M WALKING HERE!” I reminded the idiot driver one last time.

Not to be outdone, as they pull out into the street one of the idiot passengers makes some kind of clever putdown to get in the last word. Something about how he doesn’t like how my beard looks. And they barrel off up Durant.

“THEY’LL BE SCRAPING THOSE IDIOTS OFF THE ROAD LATER TONIGHT! I said loudly to no one in particular as I walked down Durant.

I swear. Some people are too stupid to drink. And they give the rest of us alcoholics a bad name. You have to be past a certain age in order to be able to drink. Why don’t you also have to pass an IQ test before you’re able to drink?