Cats are so smart

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Cats are so smart. . . Mini Scaredy does this thing where she waits for me just about every night. She hides in the bushes a hundred yards down the road from the trail to my campsite — sometimes for hours. And when I show up she jumps out of the bushes to greet me, and then walks alongside me as I head up the road. It’s pretty cute. My own personal greeting committee.

The problem is: I could tell she really didn’t understand the concept of roads and cars. She’s spent her whole life living in the woods after all. And I was afraid she was gonna get hit by a car. She came real close one time. She was standing in the middle of the street and a car came right at her and she froze up — the old “deer-in-the-headlights” thing. The car had to slam on the breaks to keep from hitting her.

So now I make a point, whenever I’m crossing the street I’ll suddenly run as fast as I can until I get to the other side. Mini Scaredy watches me doing this. And now she does the same thing. She sprints as fast as she can until she gets to the other side of the road.

She figured it out.

Moo Cat gets her ass kicked yet again

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Mini Scaredy, undisputed ruler over all that she surveys.


I don’t know if it’s because of all the rain we got this month, or because I accidentally beaned her with a stick the other day, or what. But Mini Scaredy was definitely in an ill-humored mood this morning….. Moo Cat tried to sneak into my campsite to get some breakfast — something Mini Scaredy usually let’s slide. But not this morning. Scaredy immediately went after Moo. To escape Scaredy’s wrath, Moo ran around to the back of my campsite and hid behind my backpack, cowering in fear. While Scaredy stood there about ten feet away, tensed up and ready to pounce on Moo as soon as she made her move.

Moo sat there cowering behind my pack for about 30 seconds, wide-eyed, and assessing her options. Which were severely limited at this point. She’s got her back to the wall, and somehow has to get around Scaredy if she wants to get to safety.

Suddenly Moo makes her move and sprints passed Scaredy. Scaredy turns and chases after her in full sprint. Moo manages to get about 20 yards down the trail when Scaredy catches up to her. Scaredy dives at Moo with her two front legs fully extended and spears Moo in the side with both fists. A very impressive and athletic move by Scaredy — reminded me of one of those nature films where a lion in full sprint lunges at an elk and takes it down. Moo is is knocked sideways by the blow. But she quickly scrambles and regains her balance and runs down the trail with her tail between her legs.

Scaredy saunters back to my campsite with a smug look on her face, like: “I ain’t in the mood to take any shit this morning.” Ha ha.

I fix a plate of food for Moo Cat and walk down the trail to deliver her breakfast in a neutral zone. Moo Cat doesn’t seem hurt by the exchange. Just a little humiliated. Her thick winter coat probably prevented Scaredy’s claws from penetrating to the flesh. 

I guess every now and then Mini Scaredy just feels the need to re-establish the pecking order.

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Moo Cat is still upset about Mini Scaredy bullying her earlier in the day. “She ran after me and chased me and hit me with her paws. The big bully.. It was frightening and it hurt my feelings. Can’t you tell that bitch to chill out??” “There there Moo Cat. It’s all right.”

Mini Scaredy gets beaned on the noggin


Mini Scaredy had been missing for nearly two days. I had accidentally hit her with this big stick, and she went running down the hill as fast as she could and didn’t look back. I was actually trying to hit this skunk who had just sprayed my campsite, but, as usual, I missed. And Mini Scaredy got caught in the cross-fire. Hit her right in the bridge of the nose (a direct hit).

I was worried sick about it. Tossed and turned in my sleeping bag all night long hoping that she’d come back. But she never did.

Finally, Mini Scaredy showed up a day later in the middle of the night. She approached me  cautiously, and then stood there looking at me like: “You hit me with a big stick, asshole.” I tried to explain to her that it was an accident. But I suspect cats lack the deductive reasoning to grasp that concept.

I fixed her a big late-night dinner. And then went back to sleep. The next morning she was all purrs.  She even brought me a dead mouse as a peace offering.  All is forgiven. The End.


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Trump signs Executive Order banning Ace Backwords from posting any more photos of feral cats on his Facebook page.

“It’s a national emergency,” stated Trump in a crucial presidential tweet. “The American people are sick of looking at those damn cats, many of whom are living in the woods illegally. They come flooding across our news feeds bringing nothing but cuteness and the deaths of countless mice.”

The Ballad of Micro Scaredy and Mini Scaredy



When Micro Scaredy was 4-months old, and still very much a kitten, her mother got pregnant with a second litter of kittens and pretty much abandoned her to deal with her new litter. So her half-sister Mini Scaredy — who couldn’t have kittens (two miscarriages before I had her fixed) — adopted Micro Scaredy as if she was her own kitten. Which was great that Mini Scaredy got to fulfill her maternal instincts in that way. And Micro Scaredy and Mini Scaredy have been inseparable companions ever since.



They sleep together ever night, nestling against each other. And they romp off into the woods together every day. And every evening they’re waiting together in the darkness for me to show up at my campsite.




Mini Scaredy and Micro Scaredy are pretty similar physically. But their personalities are opposite. 

Mini Scaredy is easy going, happy to be there, and never causes disturbances.

But Micro Scaredy has a mean streak in her. She’s always been that way since she was a kitten. This morning while I was sleeping, Micro decided it was high time I got my ass up out of bed and fixed her some breakfast. So she did her routine where she starts jabbing at my face with her claws. She’s relentless. And she enjoys being a prick, too. She’ll be purring loudly while she’s constantly harassing me. Ha ha. And today she went too far and drew blood with one of her jabs. It’s a pain in the ass, but I mostly just put up with it. I don’t want to discourage her from being aggressive when it comes to approaching humans for food. Someday I might be gone and she might need to approach somebody else.

.20190125_082531.jpgOne thing I enjoy about my cats. They’re incredibly happy. And it’s always nice to get a little happiness in your life. I think one of the reasons they’re so happy is, they got the best of both worlds in a way. As feral cats they’re free to romp around in the woods and completely indulge their basic cat instincts without being restricted by the man-made world that most domesticated cats live in. But they also get to enjoy regular meals and nice warm blankets to sleep on just like domestic cats. Best of both worlds.

They’re definitely a matching set, Mini Scaredy and Micro Scaredy.

You hang out with a cat just about every day for 10 years, and you develop this strange bond

The one and only magical mystical Moo Cat.


Lately Moo Cat has been showing up at my campsite in the middle of the night. She’ll wake me up by nudging against my head and meowing over and over. “Its me, Moo Cat, and I’m hungry!!”

I’ll grope around in the darkness for a can of cat food. Moo Cat is so excited she’s jumping all over me and purring loudly. Finally, in my half-awake stupor, I’ll figure out how to dump the cat food into the dish. Moo Cat pounces on it and eats greedily. She hasn’t had any food in several days so she’s HUNGRY.

When she’s done eating she climbs on top of my chest and I pet her for awhile. We’ve known each other for 10 years so we have some deep history between us. Then I’ll roll over and go to sleep. And Moo Cat will fall asleep on top of me.

It’s the best.