Hapless Mothers Day!

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I hated my mother for years and years. I didn’t talk to her or have any contact with her for nearly 20 years. Just the THOUGHT of her would trip me into this mindless, frothing rage. So I figured it was for the best to avoid any direct contact with her. I moved from New Jersey to California to put 3,000 miles between us. And I would sometimes think, sardonically, “And if this country was any bigger I’d move even FARTHER away from her.”

Rightly or wrongly I always blamed her for all my problems. She always had this diminishing affect on me. And she’d really stick the knife in whenever I was at my most vulnerable. It was such a recurring pattern I had to figure she did it on purpose. But who knows, maybe it was subconscious. Or maybe it was just that we were two people ill-suited to relate to each other but forced to live side by side for 18 years in the pressure cooker that was our household.

Anyways after not talking to her for 20 years I got word she was coming through Berkeley and wanted to meet me.

I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. But after mulling it over I agreed to see her. Mostly out of morbid curiosity.

So there’s a knock on the front door of my apartment. I open the door and there she is. My mother. She comes in. The whole exchange only took about 5 minutes. We didn’t even sit down, we stood there facing each other warily like old adversaries, gunslingers.

She apologized right off the bat for how she had treated me as a kid (which was a first — up to this point she had always taken the position that she deserved to be awarded Mother of the Year and that I was an ungrateful lout for not appreciating how wonderful she was). And she said that she was stuck in such a bad position herself all those years — stuck in a bad marriage with my father the boob — that she took it out on me. Her face was really emotional when she said this, like she might start crying.

I don’t remember anything that I said. Or anything else about the exchange. But shortly after that she was gone and I was standing there in my apartment by myself.

Anyways after that exchange I gradually stopped hating my mother. I can’t say I ever really liked her. But I felt neutral about her and wished her the best. Which was something. It could have turned out a hell of a lot worse that’s for sure.

And over the ensuing years we would get together every now and then and go out for coffee or lunch. And make polite small talk between the two of us.

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Have a very feral Mothers Day!

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A rare shot of Moo Cat and her mother, Blondie, in the same frame.  Moo Cat is often mean to Blondie.  When I put the cat food out, Moo cat will often rush up to Blondie and start throwing slashing punches at Blondie’s face.  To drive her away from the food.  But Blondie is too quick.  She always dodges the blows.  But she never fights back.  She just looks at Moo Cat with this exasperated look.  Like:  “What is your PROBLEM, girl?”  Then they forget about it and eat their breakfast.

Sometimes I want to say to Moo Cat:  “Is that any way to treat your MOTHER?  Don’t you remember when you were a little kitten and Blondie used to take the hot dogs I put out and put them in her mouth and carry them back to her nest to feed you and her other kittens?”

I guess feral cats aren’t very sentimental.  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

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Happy Mothers Day

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My Mother.  I hated her for years.  And she hated me for years.  Nowadays we mostly get along.  We both agreed: Hey, we both might be assholes.  But we’re really not that much better or worse than anybody else.  So let’s lighten up on each other.
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Her maiden name was Patricia Gearwar.  A Native American Indian name.  Her father was one of them redskins.  (OH!  How politically incorrect of me to refer to the pigments of somebody’s skin) (So don’t give me any shit when I’m red-faced drunk from drinking alcohol).

I always wondered if that was why I had such a bug up my ass.  To have a maiden name like that (it’s on my goddamn birth certificate).  Gearwar.  As in “Geared For War.”

ARE YOUR FUCKING WITH ME??!!

Anyways, I digress.  Happy Mothers Day everybody.

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