May the least boring candidate win

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Boring or not boring. On a scale of 1-to-10 how would you rate the candidates on the bore-o-meter? . . . . Just look at those two faces. Trump has a wise-ass smirk on his face, he’s about to say something either incredibly stupid, vulgar, crazy, demented, insulting and/or outrageous. But not boring. . . Whereas Hillary’s face is expressing that she’s a kind, caring, bright, intelligent person who’s about to go into excruciating detail about some policy wonk regarding her proposed health-care plan or site some obscure statistics regarding the national deficit and how it pertains to the state of the economy. Or, in other words; BORING.

I predicted Trump was going to win the 2016 presidential election almost from the beginning. Even as all the experts were telling me I was wrong and that Hillary Clinton would win by a landslide. When people asked me why I was so sure Trump would win, I said: “I predict Trump will win because Hillary is so boring.”

Ha ha. How’s that for a sophisticated analysis of presidential politics.

But my premise really isn’t as far-fetched as it might seem. When you look back at our previous presidential elections, the one common denominator is that the more boring candidate invariably lost. For example, check out this chart (Republicans on the left, Democrats on the right) with the more boring of the candidates duly noted:

2016  Trump – Hillary (boring)
2012  Romney (boring) – Obama
2008  McCain (boring) – Obama
2004  Bush – Kerry (boring)
2000  Bush – Gore (boring)
1996  Dole (boring) – Clinton
1992  Bush Sr. (boring) – Clinton
1988  Bush Sr. – Dukakis (boring)
1984  Reagan – Mondale (boring)
1980  Reagan – Carter (boring)
1976  Ford (boring) – Carter
1972  Nixon – McGovern (boring)
1968  Nixon – Humphrey (boring)
1964  Goldwater (boring) – Johnson
1960  Nixon (boring) – Kennedy

I rest my case.

Some people scoffed at the idea of Trump winning the presidency, claiming:  “How can a reality TV show star become president?” Which reminded me of something Ronald Reagan used to say when they asked him how an actor could become president. He said “I don’t see how you can be president WITHOUT being an actor.”

In fact the presidency is a 24-hour-a-day reality TV show. And considering we’re going to have to look at the guy’s face every day for the next 4 years, the LAST thing we want is somebody boring. And Trump may well be repulsive to many. But boring he is not.

David Letterman — who despised Trump — conceded he was a great for his show. “Trump is one of those guys that says whatever’s on his mind. That’s what makes him a great TV talk show guest.”

So may the least boring candidate win.

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Looking back fondly on the year that was, 2017, from the Ace Backwords perspective

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JANUARY: Donald J. Trump is sworn in as the 43rd president of the United States of America.
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JANUARY: Massive rainstorms across the state of California — one of the wettest Januarys on record — result in the end (at least for the time being) of the Drought.
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JANUARY: As predicted by virtually all the polls, political pundits, and media experts, Hillary Clinton wins the presidency by a landslide in an alternate universe.
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FEBRUARY: Milo Somethingorother — a boring political gadfly who apparently makes a living saying stupid things to upset people — attempts to give a speech on the Berkeley campus and is shut down by massive protests, violence, fires, and destructive of property.
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FEBRUARY: The Mario Savio Free Speech Plaza is officially re-named the No Free Speech For Fascists or People Saying Stuff I Disagree With Plaza.
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MARCH: Rightwing Conservatives attempt to hold a rally in downtown Berkeley, and are met with massive resistance and street-fighting violence, and the likes of “Moldy Locks,” the “Stickman,” and Antifa get their 5 minutes of fame.
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MARCH: Taco Bell opens up a franchise in Berkeley. Millions rejoice.
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APRIL: Legendary Berkeley street person, the Hate Man, transcends.
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APRIL: Ace Backwords takes yet another, in a seemingly endless series of, selfies.
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APRIL: The feral cats continue to mostly lay around and goof off.
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APRIL: I finally decide to cut off the goofy wings on the sneakers I had been wearing for months.
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APRIL: Life goes on.
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APRIL: People’s Park makes it to 48 years old.
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APRIL: President Trump continues to govern the land with a firm, even hand.
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MAY: The liberal media continues it’s fair and balanced coverage of the Trump presidency.
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MAY: One final casualty of the long and wet Rainy Season of 2016-2017 (ended up with a total of 37 inches in Berkeley): A water-logged tree on the Berkeley campus collapses and dies.
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MAY: Ace Backwords continues to slack off and fade away.
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JUNE: Fatty the feral cat, is banished from the tribe after losing a territorial pissing war with Mini Scaredy, the alpha female of the tribe.
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JUNE: Two of the guys who had been running the ill-fated Ghost Ship wharehouse, are arrested and charged with 36 counts of involuntary manslaughter for the 36 people killed in the fire during a rave.
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AUGUST: People’s Park, for all its faults and shortcomings, still remains as a fairly cool place.
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AUGUST: Feral cats, mostly still just goofing off.
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AUGUST The city of Berkeley honors the great man, that asshole Hate Man.
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AUGUST: Julia Vinograd is spotted on Telegraph Avenue.
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SEPTEMBER: Mini Owl, the beloved one-and-a-half year old feral cat, disappears never to be seen again. *sigh*
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SEPTEMBER: An unexpected visitor shows up at my campsite.
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SEPTEMBER Record heat wave in the Bay Area with temperatures reaching 108 in San Francisco. Meanwhile, the Berkeley street people handle the situation with their usual aplomb.
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SEPTEMBER: Ace Backwords is honored with a plaque, a statue, and a set of commemorative dinner plates.
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SEPTEMBER: Milo Whatshisname heroically returns to Berkeley, and, thanks to about a $million dollars worth of police protection, is finally able to give a 20 minute speech on Sproul Plaza, where he mouthed some dull slogans and canned one-liners to a rapt audience of about 30 people.
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SEPTEMBER: Berkeley reaffirms its commitment to free speech, though it wasn’t actually free since it ended up costing the City about a $million.
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SEPTEMBER: Further proof of the existence of God.
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SEPTEMBER: Against all odds, Fatty the feral cat manages to sneak back to my campsite and resume her rightful position as a member of the tribe.
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OCTOBER: Feral cats? Still slacking off.
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OCTOBER: The Baby Boomer Generation continues it’s long and impressive march on the way to oblivion.
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OCTOBER: Major media mogul Harvey Weintein creates yet another multi-media sensation and inspires a new movement in America..
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OCTOBER: Massive wildfires in Northern California cause incredible tragedies. *sigh*
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OCTOBER: Super hero movies continue to rake in big bucks at the box-office, proving that the genre is no flash in the pan.
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OCTOBER: The cats finally decide it’s time to quit slacking off, to get organized, and take bold, direct action.
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OCTOBER: Donald Trump’s popularity soars during the Halloween holiday.
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OCTOBER: Moo Cat — the elder statesman of the feral cat tribe — turns 9 years old, but remains as ornery as ever.
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NOVEMBER: Senator Al Franken makes one joke too many.
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DECEMBER: Christmas 2017 comes and goes, and it looks like another year is pretty much shot to hell. HAPPY NEW YEARS everybody!!

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Madonna strikes again!

 

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Madonna threatens to blow up the Trump White House during a political protest.

For some reason I’m imagining Madonna, dressed all in black, climbing over the fence of the White House in the dark of night.

Then she stealthily sneaks across the White House lawn while holding one of those big, round, black bombs with the lit fuse going — like the ones that Boris Badenov was always throwing at Rocky & Bullwinkle. And she hurls the bomb onto the roof of the White House and blows the entire building to smithereens.

Then a rope ladder suddenly falls down from the sky from the helicopter that’s hovering overhead. And as Madonna climbs up the ladder she waves her fist at the smoldering wreckage that is the White House and curses:

“TAKE THAT TRUMP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!”

And then Pence is appointed President. And he finally makes America great again.

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