Acid Heroes

February 20, 2018

Hate Camp

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 10:27 pm

A random shot of Hate Camp from around 2015.  (photo by Ted Friedman)

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A Presidential story for Presidents Day

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ace Backwords @ 9:55 pm

 

My first memory of a president was President Kennedy. Ironically, I heard about him for the first time on the day he got his fool head blown off.

I was 7 years old at the time. And I was sitting at my desk in my 2nd grade classroom. When this older kid came walking into the classroom. He talked to my teacher for a few moments. Then he walked over to me and said: “Your mother asked me to get you and walk you back to your house.”

So that was weird. We left the classroom. And walked together down the streets of High Bridge, New Jersey. The streets were completely empty. Because everyone was

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either in school or at work. So it was like walking through a ghost town. And I kept thinking: “Am I in trouble?” And I tried to remember if I had done anything bad lately that would cause me to get pulled out of school.

When I got home my Mom was in an ultra serious mood. “Somebody just killed the president,” my Mother said. “That’s why we took you out of school.”

“Oh,” I said.

“It could be the Russians are behind it,” said my Mother. “And they might start launching atom bombs at us.”

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“We may have to go down to the cellar and stay in the shelter,” said my Father, gravely. “And wait it out until all the radiation is gone.”

We had this crude, make-shift “fall-out shelter” in our basement. It was basically just a room with a bunch of canned foods and bottled water and flashlights.

I wasn’t sure what “radiation” was. But it sounded like some deadly form of invisible cooties.

Then we huddled around our black-and-white television set. Men were rushing back and forth apparently doing important things. It all seemed really SERIOUS but I had no idea why.

I went up to my bedroom and played with my toys. And I don’t remember anything else about that day except that i was probably happy I got out of school early.

HAPPY PRESIDENTS DAY EVERYBODY!!

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The one time when I SERIOUSLY misjudged a winter rainstorm

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 9:37 pm

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Definitely chilly tonight, with this icy-cold wind-chill factor. It reminds me of one of the coldest nights I ever experienced.

I was hitchhiking through Humboldt County in the middle of the winter, and decided to spend the night in Arcata, camping in the Redwood Forest. So I set up my tent — this cheap-ass 30 dollar tent — about a quarter mile into the woods.

It wasn’t raining when I set up my tent. But it started coming down by the time I got into my sleeping bag. And it wouldn’t stop raining for the next 2 days. I had never seen a storm like this. Non-stop sheets of rain and wind. It was relentless.

Within a couple hours my tent was hopelessly battered. And water was pouring in from everywhere. Pretty soon there was several inches of water on the floor of my tent. And my sleeping bag was soaking it up like a sponge.

So I’m lying there, shivering, in this ice-cold puddle of water. For hours. It was like trying to sleep, naked, on a block of ice.

And there was nothing I could do about it. There was no way I could hike back to civilization in the pitch-dark in the middle of this raging storm. And nowhere to go even if I got there. So I was trapped. It felt like being in a little rowboat in the middle of the ocean in the middle of a torrential downpour, as your boat is buffeted back and forth by the wind and the tidal waves, and you got all these holes in your boat and you’re taking in more and more water, and its just a matter of time before you go down with the ship.

During the course of the night I would slip in and out of brief periods of sleep. And I’d slip into this weird dream state. Though it was more like being in a coma than a dream. It was that bad.

But then finally, after hours of enduring this weird torture, I caught a lucky break. It briefly stopped raining. So I dragged my ass out of my tent. And I had this plastic shower curtain that i had on top of my tent for another layer of protection. And the wind had instantly dried it out. So I wrapped myself in the shower curtail and climbed back into my sleeping bag. And the shower curtail insulated me from my wet sleeping bag. And I slept relatively peacefully for the rest of the night.

The next morning when it FINALLY got light, I packed up my stuff and got my ass out of there. My tent had been completely torn apart by the wind and the rain, so I tossed it in the garbage. And I never used a tent ever again after that.

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Another time when I ALMOST got completely soaked

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 9:19 pm
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On this date last year. True story.

I was drunk off my ass (who me?). Oblivious. Passed out at my campsite. And it starts pouring rain. I’m so out of it at this point, I’m the last to know.

Scaredy Cat (the feral cat) comes rushing up to my campsite and starts meowing loudly in my ear.

“MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!” meowed Scaredy Cat. Loudly.

Her incessant meowing managed to wake me up in the nick of time. I realized it was pouring rain. And i was lying there in my wet sleeping bag. And that I could have died from hypothermia (slight exaggeration) if Scaredy Cat hadn’t roused me from my drunken stupor.

In gratitude for saving my life I gave Scaredy Cat a bunch of delicious cat food, packed up my campsite, and got my ass to dry land. In the nick of time.

It was like an episode of Lassie the dog. Where Lassie heroically saves the day.

Except in truth. Scaredy Cat was mostly just waking me up because she was hungry and wanted to be fed before it started pouring rain on her. Ha ha. Cats.

But she DID save my ass that night. I would have gotten completely soaked if not for her.

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The one time I got really soaked during a winter rainstorm

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 9:12 pm

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Generally, as a homeless person who has survived 14 winters (and counting) I generally stay one step ahead of the rain and cold. I closely monitor all the weather reports. And I get in “battle mode” all winter: “Its Me against the Weather!! And I ain’t goin’ down!!”

But every now and then I’ll get soaked.

This one time, I had survived one of the biggest rainstorms of the season. Three days of non-stop rain. We got about 6 or 7 inches of rain. But I managed to stay virtually completely dry. Nary a drop landed on my head (I’m so cool).

Then the storm FINALLY ended. So I crawled out from under the awning where I had been taking shelter for the last several hours. And I walked to my stash spot where I had my sleeping bag stashed in the bushes on the Berkeley campus (triple-bagged in three garbage bags to ensure maximum dryness of my sleeping bag — I’m on top of it, baby!).

But just as I was grabbing my sleeping bag, the sprinkler system went off. They had them timed to water the lawn every evening at this time. So I was trapped within this barrage of exploding water. By the time I had run across the lawn to safety I was COMPLETELY drenched. From head to toe.

Sometimes life can be so ironic, its sickening.

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February 17, 2018

One of my favorite cart-before-the-horse stories

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 8:51 pm

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One night this guy was on a street corner, searching for something under this street lamp. This other guy showed up and asked him: “What are you doing?”

The guy said: “I lost my keys. So I’m looking for them under this street lamp.”

“Where did you lose your keys?” said the other guy.

“Over there in the bushes in the darkness.”

“So how come you’re looking over here under the street lamp?”

“Because its light over here and I can see what I’m looking for ”

  •                                       *                                            *
  • One of my FB friends asked me: “And what is the lesson?”

    I suppose one of the lessons is: When it comes to searching for the truth, many people don’t want to travel very far from their comfort zone to find it. . .  And it’s sort of a metaphor for “thinking outside the box.”

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“The kids will have big time fun blowing up the earth over and over!!”

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 8:18 pm

 

“Say kids, see if you can find Hiroshima on the globe!!”

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February 16, 2018

Two Generations of Hate

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ace Backwords @ 10:15 pm

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This is a painting that I commissioned from the street artist Johnny Rev (also known as John Dammit and 8-Track).

I call it “Two Generations of Hate.” Because the guy on the left was this young gutter punk named Hatred.  And the guy on the right is this old street person named Hate Man.

I still got the painting stashed somewhere in my storage locker with all my other junk. Probably some day the painting will get sold off at an art auction for a lot of money.  But me and Johnny Rev probably won’t be around to collect any of the dough. That’s usually how it works in the art business. Art is a great field of endeavor.

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February 14, 2018

Ace goes underwear shopping

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 9:09 pm

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Today I had to buy some underwear (I’m sure you’ve been wondering about that).

So I go to the clothes store. But all the underwear was WAY too expensive for my blood. Except for the packages of Fruit of the Loom, but only in the Xlarge size. 7 underwears for $10.99. And according to my math that comes out to . . . something or other . . . a good deal of a dollar and change per pair. And I’m told that Fruit of the Loom is a reputable brand.

But I’m pretty damn sure the Xlarge size is gonna be WAY too big for me. I mean, I drink a lot of beer. But it says on the label “waist size 44-48.” And that’s big. And these damn clothes stores don’t have dressing rooms where you can try on your underwear first before you purchase them, to see if it fits. So theres no way of knowing if it’ll fit.

But I’m a cheap bastard and i can’t resist a deal. So I buy it anyway and hope for the best.

The good news is: it fits.
The bad news is: it fits.

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February 13, 2018

Mating rituals of the modern feral cat

Filed under: Backwords from Ace — Ace Backwords @ 6:55 pm
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The one and only Mini Scaredy.

 

The other night these cats, off in the distance, where howling and shrieking all night long at the top of their lungs. I had never heard anything like it. You probably could hear them from a mile away. At first I thought somebody was torturing a cat to death. But then I figured it was more likely you-know-what.

Then they were at again last night, howling and shrieking for hours, right up until the morning light. . . And then Mini Scaredy came galloping up the trail at top speed towards my campsite. I figured she was just coming for her breakfast. But then I noticed two gray toms, right behind her, chasing after her in a line — one of them big and burly, the other a bit smaller.

Mini Scaredy ran past the food dish, ran past me, and then sort of hid behind me. The two toms stopped about 10 yards from me, they weren’t bold enough to get any closer to me, even as obviously they wanted to get at Mini Scaredy. So they both darted off into the bushes, no doubt to sneak around my flank so they could get at Mini Scaredy from the other direction.

Mini Scaredy trotted to the food dish and started gobbling down her breakfast. That was pretty crafty of her to use me as a human shield, so she could briefly ditch her suitors and gobble down a quick breakfast before she continued her tryst.

After eating she sauntered over to me, purring loudly, and started clawing back and forth on the legs of my bluejeans as a show of affection. She’s obviously enjoying herself. Course, she’s not the one that’s going to have to come up with the child support payments 4 months from now.

I’m kind of feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation. But I guess I’m going to have to deal with it at some point.

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